What Is the Grief Process?

The process typically begins with denial, which offers protection until individuals can realize their loss. Some owners may try bargaining with a higher power, themselves, or even their pet to restore life. Some feel anger, which may be directed at anyone involved with the pet, including family, friends, and veterinarians. They may also feel guilt about what they did or did not do, and may feel that it is inappropriate to be so upset. After these feelings subside, some people may experience true sadness or grief. They may become withdrawn or depressed. Acceptance occurs when they accept the reality of their loss and remember their animal companion with decreasing sadness. Remember, not everyone follows these classic stages of griefsome may skip or repeat a stage, or experience the stages in a different order.

How Can I Cope with My Grief?

While grief is a personal experience, you need not face loss alone. Many forms of support are available, including pet bereavement counseling services, pet-loss support hotlines, local or online Internet bereavement groups, books, videos, and magazine articles. Here are a few suggestions to help you cope:

• Acknowledge your grief and give yourself permission to express it.

• Don't hesitate to reach out to others who can lend a sympathetic ear.

• Write about your feelings, either in a journal or a poem.

• Call your local SPCA to see whether it offers a pet loss support group or can refer you to one.

• Explore the Internet for pet loss support groups and coping information.

• Prepare a memorial for your pet.

Is the Process More Difficult if I'm a Senior?

Coping with the loss of a pet can be particularly hard for seniors. Those who live alone may feel a loss of purpose and an immense emptiness. The pet's death may also trigger painful memories of other losses and remind owners of their own mortality. What's more, the decision to get another pet is complicated by the possibility that the pet may outlive the owner, and hinges on the person's physical and financial ability to care for a new pet.

For all these reasons, it's critical that senior pet owners take immediate steps to cope with their loss and regain a sense of purpose. If you are a senior, try interacting with friends and family, calling a pet loss support hotline, even volunteering at a local humane society. If you know seniors in this situation, help direct them and guide them through the difficult grieving process.

Will My Other Pets Grieve?

Surviving pets may whimper, refuse to eat or drink, and suffer lethargy, especially if they had a close bond with the deceased pet. Even if they were not the best of friends, the changing circumstances and your emotional state may distress them. Give surviving pets lots of TLC ("tender loving care") and try to maintain a normal routine. It's good for them and for you.

Should I Get Another Pet?

Rushing into this decision isn't fair to you or your new pet. Each animal has his own unique personality and a new animal cannot replace the one you lost. You'll know when the time is right to adopt a new pet after giving yourself time to grieve, carefully considering the responsibilities of pet ownership, and paying close attention to your feelings. When you are ready, remember that your local animal shelter is a great place to find your next special friend.

If you are intersted in adopting from the local SPCA, please visit their website at www.caspca.org .

* Charlottesville Pet Loss Support Group meets the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of each month and by appointment.  For more information on times, location or to participate, please contact Marguerite David, LCSW at 434-760-1330.

~Sometimes, we all need a shoulder to cry on.~